What is Spiritual Direction/Spiritual Companionship?
What is Spiritual Direction?
Spiritual Directors International gives this as one definition:
Spiritual direction aims to help us experience the eternal and the infinite aspects of our true nature through the wise, experienced and compassionate company of another human being.
Another way to describe it (paraphrased from the chart on this page, which you really should check out), is that Spiritual Direction is when a person who is mentally stable, seeking spiritual growth and maturity, shares their daily life, deepest desires, struggles, and prayers in order to develop and integrate one’s greatest Truths, and to discover, attend to, and savor those Truths in everyday life.
Spiritual directors are trained listeners, but we are NOT therapists. A beautiful way I have heard this described is that if your whole self is a tree, a therapist or psychologist is looking at the leaves, roots, and branches for any holes or rot in the pieces of the tree. A spiritual director is looking for how the wind moves through the tree, how it makes the leaves dance, how the branches bend in its presence. We watch for how the Holy moves a directee’s soul.
What is a Spiritual Companion?
A Spiritual Companion is just another name for a Spiritual Director. I prefer the term Spiritual Companion, because I am not directing anything. :) The training and practices are the same.
What happens in Spiritual Direction sessions?
What happens in sessions very much depends on what the directee needs, but there are some commonalities. The director will create a safe space and listen deeply to the directee. There is this concept that there are three beings in a Spiritual Direction session: the Director, the Directee, and the Holy. Pulling up this “third chair” is one of the things that differentiates Spiritual Direction from therapy. A good director will ask YOUR “God language,” and refer to the Holy in whatever way makes you most comfortable (Mother, Father, Universe, Creator, etc.).
I find that my sessions as a spiritual director go like this: A companion shows up knowing or not knowing what they want to talk about, then just verbal vomit about their life. I then notices patterns both within today’s session and previous sessions we’ve had, point them out, and ask how the Spirit may be moving in those places. We have discussion about that and always end in prayer.
Other things could happen: maybe a directee has questions about certain theological issues that they’d like to explore together. Maybe they’d like to practice or learn about different types of prayer together. But I find most often that sessions unfold more naturally just with sharing and storytelling.
How is Spiritual Direction Different from Coaching?
When you go into a coaching relationship, you are there to accomplish a goal (new job, weight loss, relational goals, etc.). There is a start and end point, and you can measure how you’ve done at the end. The only goal of Spiritual Direction is spiritual growth and freedom. There is no set end point. You continue to see your Director until you decide that it’s time to move on to someone else to continue your growth.
I do occasionally use aspects of coaching in my Spiritual Direction if a directee needs it, for example, if they ask for help brainstorming solutions to a problem. I have the training to do both. But generally, if you are looking to meet a specific goal, that’s coaching, not Spiritual Direction.
Why should I get a Spiritual Director/Spiritual Companion?
I love this quote from Celeste Larson in Heal the Witch Wound:
Without fail, you will always be too much for many people and not enough for just as many.
I know that those of us outside the norm of evangelical Christianity especially get this from both sides. A good spiritual director will give you a space to explore your spirituality and take everything you say seriously (if they don’t, they’re not a good director). They don’t have to believe the same things as you, but they hold what is true for YOU. Spiritual direction gives you a safe space where your beliefs and ideas and questions and doubts are not too much, and not too little, but just right.
If you like the idea of Spiritual Companionship, but maybe I’m not your gal, you can find a list of Companions at Spiritual Directors International.