What happens in Spiritual Direction?
When I tell people that I’m a Spiritual Director (also known as a Spiritual Companion), the most common reaction is kind confusion. They realize this is some sort of ministry, but have no idea what it means. Then I get directees for discovery calls, and they don’t know what it is, either. Don’t worry! When I went into this with my director, I had no idea, either! (I was actually called to train to be a director before I even really knew what one was!) There is no “right way” in Spiritual Direction. But I can give you a rundown of some things that typically happen in a spiritual direction session, in my experience as a director and directee.
Direction can take place in-person, online via video chat (like zoom), or over the phone. My experience has all been online, and that is becoming more and more common. Many spiritual directors only offer online or phone direction nowadays (including myself).
Direction often starts with some sort of grounding: a prayer, a breathing exercise, or a visualization. After your spiritual director gets to know you, they will tailor this to you and your beliefs.
Direction is time that is completely open to the directee, so it will depend heavily on what you need that day. The director may ask you questions about what’s happening for you that day, how is the Spirit moving in you right now, where are you seeing God in your life, or they may just say, “How’s it going?” and let you talk. It depends greatly on what you need and the personality of your director.
A good spiritual director will always call the Divine whatever makes you most comfortable. This time is about you, not their own beliefs.
Your director will probe with questions as needed to keep the conversation going and help you more fully explore where the Spirit is moving in your life. They will also leave plenty of room for silence so God can speak. They may ask you to notice sensations in your body. They may also point back to previous conversations you’ve had to note through-lines or places they’ve seen spiritual growth. I think of my role as a well-digger. The aquifer of your soul is there inside you, it just helps to have someone ask the right questions to “dig down” and get to it.
You may cry in a spiritual direction session. Your director is capable of holding that. My amazing director says she knows we’ve hit holy ground when I start crying. They also know that it doesn’t necessarily equal sadness, but that Spirit is moving and to take note.
What is the difference between Spiritual Direction and Therapy?
Spiritual direction is NOT therapy. While your past may (and probably will) come up, it’s not the main focus of direction. The main focus is the present. Spiritual directors are not trained to diagnose anything. The focus is on the directee’s relationship with the Divine. One useful metaphor that I have heard is: If humans are trees, therapists (psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, etc) are inspecting (or helping to inspect) the tree itself. Are there markings on the leaves signalling problems? How do the branches come off the trunk and does it affect the stability of the tree? etc. Spiritual directors are looking at the wind moving THROUGH the tree, and how the tree responds to that movement.
What is the difference between Spiritual Direction and Coaching?
Spiritual direction is also not coaching. There is no goal except to further your connection with Source and continuing to grow. There’s no end point where you reach your goal and quit. You can decide to taper off sessions to be less and less frequent, or change directors when you’re looking for a different kind of growth, but spiritual directors aren’t there to keep you accountable and set steps to reach a goal in a specified time period like a coach is.